Hope you are all doing good my word January is sooo cold!! Bring on Spring!
Anyway here it is as promised, see blog post- All the emotions part 1. My ramblings on when parenthood was a little tough going for me. I’ll tell you something it’s a constant learning curve this parenting thing, So here it goes….
People say all sorts of things to you when you have a baby don’t they?
“You’re baby will sleep 7-7 when they start solids”- no he didn’t his sleep got worse!!
” Have a pitch black room and DON’T lift him, let him cry”- no terrible crying it out he turns into the exorcist and we all get stressed.
“Get a nightlight”
“Get a diffuser”
Believe me I have read everything, tried everything, Gina Ford’s book was getting flung out the window at one point. If someone said “wear a grass skirt and do the conga 10 times” if it made Finley sleep I would do it.
What is going on? We had a routine!
Finley has had a bedtime routine since he was 6 weeks old bath, bottle, bed.
After the dark first 12 weeks of silent reflux (where I was actually considering signing myself in to the local mental hospital as a retreat ) he slept amazing most nights 7pm-6am, we thought we had this baby thing sussed.
Before that his life was pretty much milk and sleep.
Finley cannot deal with wakening up during sleep, if he coughs, rolls over, flip sake even his own fart disturbs him he just can’t get back to sleep again and so it starts, he cry’s sorry screams to be lifted and brought into our bed – yep our fault another thing I read I shouldn’t do but at 3am I need sleep so I bring him in.
Finley is my second baby, I have been through this, I should know what to do- again mum guilt and putting myself under pressure, why do us mum’s do this?
I have realised that’s my first mistake I HAVE to stop comparing them. That alone is causing me to stress out. They are totally different- I have to accept that.
By the time evening rolls round I just want to sit down and eat chocolate and have some space is it too much to ask?
I give my all to him and more and I’m exhausted, I give my all to the whole family.
Oh the stress!!
I get stressed and stress breeds stress, Finley and everyone can sense it from me I know he can.
My stiff shoulders, tone in my voice, my huffing and puffing, my demanding “go to bloody sleep”. Everyone feels it and I don’t like the fact that the whole thing turns me into a grumpy bitch from hell. Of course when I’m like that Finley cries more, and refuses even more to go to sleep and the other evening we both came to blows. He screamed for hours, he would not go to sleep in his cot, he did not want held, he was just screaming it was after 8pm which is early for some I know but I had tried for over an hour and a half on a day which he had been up from 5.30 with a 1 hour nap – we were all beyond exhausted.
I tried all the techniques I have read that will “work” which to be honest just made me feel worse- what the hell am I doing wrong ?
Completely worn out I turned into a demon possessed yelling at Daniel. Telling him how miserable I am- which is totally not true but at that moment right there I was miserable.
I lifted Finley out of his cot and lay him beside me in our bed after all that’s what this whole meltdown he was having was about, so I gave in, his screaming turned to sniffles he was out of breath from crying.
I FELT AWFUL a wave of guilt engulfed me, all he wanted was to lie beside me, he didn’t even want held just to lie beside so he wasn’t alone. Within a few minutes after the hours he had spent crying he calmly fell asleep,when he was totally over I lay him in his cot.
Of course once he was sound asleep I broke down upset and frustrated that I had put us both through unnecessary stress. I cried hard, but I needed that cry to let it all out sometimes there is only so long you can hold it together and you break, well I broke alright I was in a total state. I looked and felt like a woman possessed.
Changing it up
It doesn’t matter if I didn’t do it with Adam, that’s what Finley needs what’s so wrong with that? He doesn’t have a dummy or a baby bottle he just needs comfort and reassurance that I am there, and why would I not give him that?
Going with the flow
I’m sure in time we will figure out a way that works. There will be a day when he is all grown up and no longer needs or wants to lie in my bed beside me and I will be missing these days and nights no matter how tough they can be.
I just took the time to breathe in and out, smell my gorgeous candle and relax and tell myself it will all fall into place, that I’m doing a great job. It really helped, I felt so much better just those 20 minutes in my own headspace, in my make shift spa was all I needed.
I’ve made a promise to myself, to spend more time on ME, even if it is just 10 minutes a day,or lying on top of the bed instead of mopping the kitchen floor.
I need to recharge my batteries, as when Mummy loses her shit the whole house descends into chaos. Making time for me has become part of my daily routine for 20 minutes in the evening even if its just sitting on my bed painting my nails, I’m looking after ME- the washing can just wait a little longer.
So if you have been feeling like I did stressed to the absolute max ready to run through a field screaming (naked with police chasing you, just to add dramatics to the picture) – make time for YOU. Even if you can only squeeze in 10 minutes a day, make it a priority. Oh and treat yourself to a very expensive Jo Malone candle, it will make you feel better FACT!